When delay becomes a teacher
The procrastination that has nothing to do with laziness
Audio narrated by Hansa Devi
What if your procrastination isn't a character flaw, but a message from a deeper part of yourself that hasn't been seen or heard yet?
Commitment to Self
One of my deepest fascinations is why so many people who are on a spiritual journey have such a hard time committing to themselves. For me personally, this has certainly ebbed and flowed throughout my life and remained a very interesting topic of inquiry.
This is also why a continuous practice or ritual has such immense inbuilt power and potential, since the continuity aspect is what shows us all sides of ourselves - via the commitment over time.
There can be so much emotional baggage between us and ourselves. The relationship that in theory should be the most straightforward is often the most complicated one. No matter how much self-knowledge someone has, the last relationship they commit to and truly honor is often the one with themselves. This has been part of my own story too. For many it’s easier to serve others rather than themselves. And this can be tied to very deep grooves, for some.
In many of my clients I see the struggle, which sometimes is a full blown inner battle, of maintaining habits they know would serve them. These are people who more or less consciously procrastinate on their own evolution. And if we’re honest with ourselves, I think that we all carry some version of this.
Commitment to Self is literally the spoke of the wheel, both of our life and spiritual practice, and yet we tend to shy away from it as if it is self indulgent. But if we’re honest about it, commitment to Self is the only relationship we can’t outsource, we can’t have someone else do the work or invest the energy for us. It is between us and us. And at the end of the day, it is the most important relationship of all.
Every other relationship becomes a mirror of how we treat ourselves – how we speak to ourselves, how we honor ourselves, how we respect ourselves, how we are compassionate to ourselves, and so on. This is deep, sticky and tricky.
What’s the resistance?
Now, the deeper digging is about looking into why is it so hard to commit to oneself. Why is it so hard? Of course there are as many reasons for this as there are people, but there are certain aspects that I think may be beneficial to dissect a little deeper here.
Abandonment, which is the flip side of commitment, has symptoms that expresses themselves as procrastination. Procrastination is therefore a theme that rings true in many contexts around commitment to Self. The procrastination however, is slightly differently masqueraded depending on the person and their conditioning – and it can certainly also shape shift over time. But it is worth spending a moment on this.
The abandonment piece is what brought me to this topic - yet another multifaceted theme of investigation and inquiry. Because when you see the procrastination as abandonment, it shakes off the often shameful connotations of procrastination and instead takes a different flavor - that of abandonment. And when you see that something has been abandoned, it may (or may not) be easier to re-commit, instead of being stuck in the shame loop of procrastination. All of this easily becomes a vicious cycle. We’ll dig deeper into this as we go.
One of the main differences that I appreciate, is when we bring our gaze to abandonment instead of mere procrastination, is that it highlights that we’ve aborted our attention to something - in this case ourselves. When we can see this stark contrast, it may be easier to flip the script. At least, that’s my hope.
Procrastination as the teacher
What I have come to know is that procrastination is not always laziness. It can be a reflection of a latent fear. Perhaps it is about something you are avoiding. Sometimes it’s about not wanting to be seen. Other times it is about awaiting the perfect timing, or should I say “the perfect timing”, as if there is such a thing.
For me it’s been about avoiding stepping into my own potential. As if I didn’t think I could live up to it - unknown territory that felt big and somewhat heavy to carry. As if playing small would be safer than allowing my full expression. But the staying small has its price too. The discomfort becomes a valuable clue in this ever-evolving riddle of life.
There are so many different reasons for procrastination. Nevertheless, the delay itself is a great teacher. Our job is to decipher what lies underneath the delay, why it is happening and to see if it is a one-time thing or a pattern that we keep repeating.
Common themes
These are themes or threads that I’ve seen in clients and in my own psyche as I’ve investigated this for what feels like decades. Maybe some of this rings true to you too. My goal here is to name that which seems intangible or abstract, so that we can choose to shift the narrative and take our agency back.
As you’ve probably noticed by now, all of what I share is about empowering you to step into a deepened commitment to your Self.
These are the common themes that I’ve noticed (there’s probably more, so please share if you have comments on this, so that we together can expand this conversation):
Emotional avoidance: Are you fleeing a feeling?
The knowledge-action gap: You know. Why don’t you act?
Fear of being seen: Is it the task that you’re avoiding or the vulnerability of doing it?
Fear of the unknown: It’s easier to not act at all.
Perfectionism as protection: You are in your own way.
Overwhelm in a noisy world: When the world is loud, beginning feels impossible.
Sacred timing vs avoidance: Waiting for Life or waiting for yourself to feel ready?
Disconnection from purpose: When your motivation/purpose feels elusive or has faded.
Not trusting yourself: Carrying conditioning looking to others for clarity and direction.
The weight of expectation: Missing the immense gift of this moment and showing up.
The dopamine trap + digital distraction: Both a means and cause of procrastination.
Expressions of procrastination
There are so many ways we find reasons not to show up for ourselves. I feel like the more we dive into this, more expressions of procrastination and delay will surface, but this is a start.
Emotional avoidance and mood regulation is about fleeing uncomfortable feelings instead of meeting them fully. Procrastination as emotion-avoidance often shows up with the momentary escape as the trap. In our day and age there are innumerable ways to either numb or distract ourselves in order to feel less or have to go deep into any discomfort. If this is you, raise your hand.
The knowledge-action gap is definitely prevalent in conscious circles. I hear about this all the time with clients and of course it shows up for all of us from time to time. This is about knowing what’s right and not doing it anyway. It’s the gap between jnana (knowing) and kriya (action). Once this has spun out enough, it easily becomes an identity-action gap instead (when we identify as procrastinators, we act like procrastinators). Part of the remedy to this is to not identify with the pattern but merely stay as the witness and observe it. Because once you’ve seen it, you have the choice. If this is you, raise your hand.
Fear of failure / fear of being seen is something that many struggle with in relation to sharing their gifts, no matter field of interest. When we dare to be vulnerable, we actually gain strength. This feels like a counter intuitive thing, to take our guard down and actually feel empowered because of it. I write about this in the essay Vulnerability is a Superpower. It is often an ongoing practice, to “be vulnerable”, and in contemporary terms, it’s about daring to be your authentic self without hesitation. This often relates back to issues of self-worth, self-expression, or true intimacy. But the more we engage with it, the more the muscle strengthens. If this is you, raise your hand.
Fear of the unknown. Well that says it all doesn’t it. We choose to not act at all. We move into apathy or feel paralyzed, don’t even know where to begin. It’s easier to stay in the familiar, so hence we choose – consciously or not – not to act at all. If this is you, raise your hand.
Perfectionism is such a prevalent barrier, it’s crazy. We can’t have everything dialed before taking the first step. We can’t have outrageous expectations, or any expectations at all (other than showing up fully), if we’re totally honest with ourselves. If we were to see the value in the progress instead of the perfection, the type of procrastination that perfection dresses up as would not exist. The practice here is to flip the script, to be about the journey instead of the destination. And even if you’ve changed the narrative but still find yourself stuck in the perfectionist paradigm, your work is to surrender the perfectionist expectations for the process and the steps along the way. Many even wait for “perfect alignment” before beginning. In a sense, all of this is about letting go of control and trusting more. If this is you, raise your hand.
Overwhelm is real and often related to the complexity of this moment. We live in a time where we have lost our place within simplicity and sanctity. Both our own expectations, the hustle culture, the hyper connectivity, the infinite options and opportunities, competition and comparison, as well as the very real struggles and challenges we face, all contribute to the overwhelm. In my essay Breath : Body : Being I explore the topic of how this feels and what it’s like not being able to begin. Read it for more info on how to be with and rewire this type of pattern. If this is you, raise your hand.
Sacred timing vs avoidance is a quite tricky one to decipher. This takes some dedicated time and energy to look at the underlying energy of the delay. In my essay Dedication of Merit I wrote about the inquiry into Is this procrastination or awaiting divine timing? Waiting for Life or waiting for yourself to feel ready? It boils down to: Am I hiding or waiting? Only brutal honesty with ourselves can reveal this. Though you may notice patterns with this, it may equally be different with every delay or observation of procrastination. Seeing things with fresh eyes will help you through this no matter what. Once we see it, we have a choice. If this is you, raise your hand.
Lack of intrinsic motivation / disconnection from purpose is at its core a sense of disconnect from our deeper why. We may or may not sense the disconnect but rather only notice the procrastination. But it’s definitely worth looking into if the delay is because what we’re doing doesn’t feel aligned. The alignment piece holds the sustainability, hence it is essential. Once again I’ll refer to the Dedication of Merit essay for a discussion of potential remedies for this type of procrastination and delay. If this is you, raise your hand.
Not trusting oneself is another reason many procrastinate. This is not necessarily the same as low self-worth, but rather about not trusting oneself or not fully relying on oneself. When people don’t believe in themselves, they don’t begin. Simple as that. We’ve often lived entire lives within conditioning that we have to look to others for answers, guidance, knowledge and expertise. This of course lessens our ability to trust in ourselves. Our inner compass and intuition has been silenced. We look to others for clarity and direction. Having faith and conviction - shraddha - in one’s capacity and ability is the flip side of this type of procrastination. I dive into this in the Vulnerability is a Superpower piece. This is also a muscle that needs toning. Being transparent, honest, and “being vulnerable” is often a way to regain one’s agency and trust in oneself. Once we can fully receive ourselves, and also in the company of others, in a transparency sense, we work the trust muscle. It’s not always easy work, but it’s worth it. If this is you, raise your hand.
The weight of expectation is often at the root of procrastination. If we could only lean into the innate impermanence of things, we would perhaps dare to take the next step. Much easier said than done. It’s like we’re avoiding something due to expectations, but also not taking advantage of this precious moment as if there are many more. The weight of our expectations, which are often tied to perfectionism or unreasonable outcomes, is often a great obstacle. We deserve to counteract this with the perspective of gratitude for the magnitude and gift of this moment, showing up as we are. Instead, many get lost in the narrative of expectations. If this is you, raise your hand.
The dopamine trap and digital distraction is something I think needs to be named. It’s so obvious, that it’s easy to forget. We live out this pattern when we want to numb ourselves or distract ourselves or “give ourselves a break” from the things that give us resistance. This is a means of procrastination as much as a cause for procrastination. We use it to avoid, but we’re also addicted to it. If this is you, raise your hand.
By now, I think that all of us have raised our hand at least once or twice. Let’s first of all recognize that we all have inbuilt coping mechanisms that kick into gear in different circumstances, and all of this may have shape shifted over the course of your life. My goal here is to take the stigma out of this conversation and instead look at the patterns with a neutral loving awareness and equanimity, so that we dare talk about it and eventually do something about it – if it doesn’t serve us anymore.
This is about taking our power back, by eradicating the unconscious nature of our patterns. Again, I keep saying it, but once it’s conscious, we have a choice. It is all about our willingness and ability to respond.
The discomfort
There is often an inbuilt discomfort in procrastination and delaying. But there may equally be a discomfort in returning to recognition of the pattern and then the weight of the responsibility of having to deal with it once it’s obvious. It’s often easier to bury our heads in the sand, or get distracted.
But there is a subtle toll, a subtle cost that has major effect on how we carry ourselves in the world. If we honor ourselves enough to show up for ourselves, I guarantee that we will carry ourselves differently and continue to respect ourselves more. It’s a self-reinforcing spiral. Once you have a little bit of momentum of having made conscious choices in service of yourself and your vision, that same momentum will carry you and less effort has to be applied as you continue moving forward. It’s like taking the practice wheels of the bike and soon you’ll trust the momentum enough to put your feet on the pedals.
Trust me when I say that the discomfort is only temporary. Get over the hump. Get over yourself (as harsh as that sounds) and whatever narrative of guilt and shame you’ve built around that which is holding you back. Your life deserves you showing up for it.
We write the story
And live the script
om
Excerpt from At The Entrance Of The Cave, by Hansa Devi
Being aware
I’m not pointing these things out to give you a guilt trip or push you into a spiral of shame. I am trying to name some of the potential factors as to why you feel the way you do. And if this mapping resonates at some level, my hope is that it will give you better clarity of the patterns that automate your life. Once you see what is happening, the rest is a choice. Once it is conscious what is going on, you have options. This is the sole reason I am shining light onto all of this.
Seeing it spelled out like this also made me personally feel less alone in the way procrastination has been showing up in my own life.
Contemplation
When you notice procrastination arising, pause and ask yourself: Am I hiding or am I waiting? Am I numbing or distracting? What is at the root of this? What is this delay trying to tell me? Is there a pattern here? What is the trigger? What is the resistance? What can I learn from this?
Remember that the fascinating through-line here is what the delay is trying to tell you about your relationship with yourself. Be kind and gentle in your inner dialogue.
Reflections
Please share what stood out to you in this. Which of these patterns have you outgrown? What have been some of the tools you used in order to do so? What are you dealing with right now? Please share.
Mentorship
If you are someone who has been procrastinating for long enough and are ready to dive deeper into why this is happening, plus is willing to do something about it, on the level of thought, word and action – please reach out. In my mentorship sessions this is something we work our way through, in service of your intentions and vision of your life. My job is to hold a mirror so you can see yourself fully, including blindspots, as well as hold you accountable, while also holding sacred space for your full expression to come into light and form. This is a tailored and collaborative process.
Commitment to Self is hard when we try to do it in isolation. If you want to learn more about how we can work together, click the link below.
Related Reading
Embodying our core values – about aligning with our intentions
Breath : Body : Being – the most valuable thing we can offer is to stay centered
Vulnerability is a superpower – how to truly see ourselves and one another
Dedication of Merit – the golden ticket
The Mystery of the Unknown - living in the liminal space
May all beings everywhere, seen and unseen, be happy and free.
om